I've Got a Theory
Experiments on zombies are ongoing. Are you ready for the first human trial? Cast * Sam Yao * Veronica McShell Plot Under The Desk You are to use scent markers to camouflage yourselves among a group of dopey zombies and test out Chris McShell’s research. Repeat The Manoeuvre Sam plays Chris’ voice file as you run, in which he conducts an experiment on a large group of zombies. That's The Idea Veronica hands you a container of liquid and tells you to cover yourself in it, whilst doing so herself. This solution should prevent them from chasing you. Trust Us Sam gets very excited by the success of this experiment, until Veronica tells him that the solution is hard to make and burns off very quickly. The Weapon They Wanted The zombies continue to ignore you and are chasing a zombie on the opposite side of the pack that is wearing a pheromone collar giving off human scent. Ever Wanted To Chase A Zombie? Sam and Veronica take a moment to reflect on how proud Runner 10 would be if he could see the results of his research. Some Of Them Are Running The horde thickens; Veronica forgot that zoms are attracted to large gatherings of humans. You have to escape back to the Comansys base, immediately. Transcript VERONICA MCSHELL: Runner Five and I are going to begin testing now, Sam. SAM YAO: Are you sure this is a good idea? I know you’ve had your dad’s old New Canton research notes a few days now, but shouldn’t you be starting with smaller tests? Ones that don’t put you and Five in the field with two dozen zoms right off the bat? VERONICA MCSHELL: It wouldn’t have taken this long if I had anyone left to research with. I want to get into that Comansys base just as badly as Abel Township. Dad never managed to protect humans from zoms, but he did work out some things about how to draw zombies away. Between his research and mine, I think I can get us past the zoms in the Comansys base. If this works today, we can be in that lab by tomorrow. SAM YAO: And if it doesn’t? VERONICA MCSHELL: If it doesn’t work, that’ll be interesting data! I pulled these zoms out from the calm fields and penned them up last night. From what I’ve seen before, that’s enough time for them to shake off some of the plants’ effects, but they’re still a little dopey. Runner Five and I can get away from them no problem if we need. That’s how science works, Sam. No experiment is a failure. Even a null result is new information. SAM YAO: In that case, open the gates. gate rattles open and shut VERONICA MCSHELL: We’ll lead them out into open ground, Runner Five. It’ll be easier for Sam to keep track of their movements for us away from the trees. SAM YAO: What am I going to be looking for? I tried reading some of the files we sent over, but it all seemed a bit… really science-y. All those numbers and um, something about zombie ants. VERONICA MCSHELL: It’s camouflage via scent markers. Hiding using smells. Didn’t you listen to Dad’s voice files? SAM YAO: What, all fifty hours of them? VERONICA MCSHELL: Sam, why don’t you queue up File 0034 from Folder C while Runner Five and I get the test subjects into formation. SAM YAO: Can do. I’ve got his voice recorder right in – rummages Oh, it’s around here somewhere. Uh, yeah, those zoms are looking a little perkier than expected. Make sure you stay out of reach of them. I’m just going to um, I’m going to try looking under the desk. SAM YAO: Nice work, guys. The zoms are still following you, but you’ve got some clear space between you and them. VERONICA MCSHELL: This field should be a good place to start the test. Plenty of room for maneuver. Okay, Five, let’s lead them over to the far end to get started. SAM YAO: There you are! Right, found the tape. I really do need to tidy this place up. It’s just every time Janine nags me about it, I don’t, because then she’d have won. And she gets this smug expression on her - VERONICA MCSHELL: The tape, Sam. SAM YAO: Ah, yeah, yeah, right. Here you go. Have a listen while you’re running. CHRIS MCSHELL: Pack observation Twelve B. Weather today is sunny with a slight breeze, no clouds. I’m tracking a swarm of fifteen undead, about eighty percent displaying moderate decay. A few crawlers. No children today. They’re following a westerly trajectory. As planned, target appears to be Runner Forty-eight. No sign they’ve noticed I’m here. As in previous observations, subjects appear to be staying between zero point five and four feet apart while in pursuit, with distances increasing towards the back of the swarm. Runner Forty-eight, switch over to the route we discussed. Look at that! They’re doing it again! As predicted, the subjects towards the back of the pack are still headed west, while those nearest the front are beginning to follow Forty-eight along a southerly course, but if we observe the zoms in the middle of the pack, it appears we have subjects moving on both the new and original trajectories. Now, either they’ll begin to collide with each other as the two streams cross, or… Yes! West-moving subjects are turning within the four-foot window, avoiding the collision. Repulsion zone remains constant. Test Twelve B is a success! Runner Forty-eight, maintain your current course. We’ll repeat the maneuver in ten minutes. McShell, over and out. VERONICA MCSHELL: This is perfect! The horde are definitely pursuing us, but we’ve put enough distance between us for the moment. We can begin the experiment now. SAM YAO: Are you sure? The calming effect seems to have worn off entirely, and those zoms look hungry. VERONICA MCSHELL: Weren’t you listening to Dad’s recording? SAM YAO: Yeah, but I don’t really get it. So, the zoms are all just playing follow the leader. How’s that going to stop you getting eaten? VERONICA MCSHELL: Not quite. Runner Five, take this bottle and douse as much of yourself as you can. Clothes and hair as well as your skin. unscrews, liquid pours SAM YAO: Insect repellent? Oh God, I thought I was joking about the zombie ants. VERONICA MCSHELL: There’s no zombie ants, Sam. coughs Ants and zombies share swarm behaviors. That’s what Dad was looking at. If you have a group of ants or a group of zoms, they’ll move together intelligently, but there aren’t any leaders. They’re all just following food and trying not to bump each other. My dad and I used to make statistical models of ant behavior together. If you do it right, you can predict what a whole pack will do under certain conditions. Theoretically, you could do the same with zombies. SAM YAO: You know, when you said the two of you did experiments, I thought you meant like mixing baking soda and vinegar to make volcanoes. VERONICA MCSHELL: I had an ant farm when I was little. Dad thought it would be a good introduction to predictive analytics. Oh, it smells worse than I thought! Ants follow each other using chemical markers. Dad thought zombies did the same, so he and some of the other researchers at New Canton were trying to brew up a synthetic version of their smell. I’d been trying to do the same here for months, but most of us in the base were biology fans, not chemists. I’ve put in an extract from the calming plants, though, in the hope that it will give us the reaction that we want. SAM YAO: So you dose yourselves up with Eau de Zombie, and all these zoms start thinking you’re one of them. VERONICA MCSHELL: That’s the theory, but there’s only one way to test it. SAM YAO: By running straight for a horde of zombies? VERONICA MCSHELL: That’s the idea. Ready, Five? Let’s go. SAM YAO: They’re not chasing you. VERONICA MCSHELL: I know. SAM YAO: But they’re not even really moving. VERONICA MCSHELL: I know. SAM YAO: It’s like you’re not even there. They’re like they were when they were standing in the plants. You ran right past them, and they didn’t react! VERONICA MCSHELL: I know, Sam. SAM YAO: But this is huge! This is massive! I need to get someone, Janine, or Paula! Someone should see this. VERONICA MCSHELL: Don’t get excited, yet. There’s a range. Effectiveness seems to drop off about twenty meters out, and the compound’s very volatile. It took me days to make even this quantity. Burns off very quickly in human body heat. SAM YAO: Oh. Guess I should have known there’d be a catch. Still, that’s still a good piece of intel. Not bad for a day’s work. VERONICA MCSHELL: We’re not finished yet. Let me find my trigger switch. bag, rummages SAM YAO: Uh, is it just me or are all those zoms staring at you all of a sudden? VERONICA MCSHELL: We must be getting too close. They’re detecting our human scent through the liquid masking it. Sam, Runner Five – did you trust my dad? SAM YAO: Yeah! He took a big risk coming to us from New Canton. Of course we did. VERONICA MCSHELL: Then I want you to trust me like that, too. SAM YAO: Why don’t I like the sound of that? VERONICA MCSHELL: I’m going to press a button on this remote, and then Runner Five and I are headed into the center of the pack. SAM YAO: Oh no! That’s even worse than I expected! VERONICA MCSHELL: Trust us. button In we go, quickly! growl VERONICA MCSHELL: Sam, can you play me File 7, Folder K? SAM YAO: Veronica, what did you do? It looks like they’re running away from you. VERONICA MCSHELL: Not away from us. They’re going for that zombie on the opposite side of the pack, the one in the green dress. SAM YAO: The one with the – what’s that thing on her neck with the little flashy light? VERONICA MCSHELL: Pheromone collar, kind of. Our neighbors had one for their dog. That’s where I got the idea. SAM YAO: What kind of pheremones? VERONICA MCSHELL: Lots of peoples’. I borrowed samples from nearly everyone in the base. The addition of extract from the calming plants seems to be key to getting the zombies to respond to it consistently, though. Can you play the tape, now? I want him to be a part of this. He should get to explain. SAM YAO: Yup. I’ve got it ready. CHRIS MCSHELL: Test Twenty, supplementary report. Three test subjects, today. One doused with the human chemical marker, two without. I told the two unmarked runners to move at not more than a slow jog, but even with the slow runners right next to them, the pack all went for Runner Five. sighs New Canton council sent someone to watch the trials again, today. Hard to say how much longer I can keep the results looking uncertain. They’re going to realize they’ve got the weapon they wanted soon. SAM YAO: Okay, okay. You’ve proved your point. You don’t need to run right through the pack again. You’re giving me hives! VERONICA MCSHELL: But we’re completely safe! It’s all simply, really. Zombies want to eat humans, not zombies. Whatever the most human-smelling thing on the menu is, that’s dinner. Right now, Five and I could – we could do a pirouette! laughs Look at them! They don’t care. They don’t care at all! SAM YAO: Uh, what about that zombie you turned them on to? The pack’s nearly got it surrounded. What happens when someone – growls and bites Ah, takes a bite. Oh, God. Runner Five, can you point that headcam somewhere else? VERONICA MCSHELL: We make more of them smell like us. I put collars on most of the zombies last night when we brought them out of the fields. button I knew it would work. As soon as Dad said they liked human smells best, I knew it would work. SAM YAO: The pack’s breaking up! Man, can you imagine what your dad would have said, seeing this? VERONICA MCSHELL: I think I can. It feels like he’s here, doesn’t it? SAM YAO: Yeah. Yeah, it does. So, I guess that’s it. We can get into that Comansys base, now, right? VERONICA MCSHELL: We can, but first - Runner Five, have you ever wanted to chase a zombie? Ready, steady, go! SAM YAO: You did not just – laughs I can’t believe you just pantsed that zombie! VERONICA MCSHELL: giggles I was trying to get at his wallet to look for ID! SAM YAO: A likely story. VERONICA MCSHELL: I wonder why those two zombies down on the end are attracting more followers than the others. There shouldn’t be anything different about the collars. Can you get me an aerial view, Sam? I want to get some pictures of the swarm formation. SAM YAO: One bird’s eye view coming up. Oh God, how many zoms did you bring into the field today? VERONICA MCSHELL: Twenty-four. SAM YAO: No, that can’t be right. I’m counting – no, I’m not counting, I can’t count fast enough. You must have triple that number. VERONICA MCSHELL: No, that can’t be right. SAM YAO: Mm, let me check some more cameras. on keyboard It looks like they’re coming in from everywhere. There’s a horde coming from up country, got to be at least a whole village worth. Same thing from the east and west. It’s like – God, it’s like the whole countryside’s moving in. VERONICA MCSHELL: Oh no! No! Stupid, stupid, stupid. SAM YAO: What? VERONICA MCSHELL: It’s in Dad’s notes. They can sense when humans are getting together. Big gatherings attract them. So what do I do? Make them a people buffet. Stupid. Runner Five, this way. We’ve got to get to that base while we still can. SAM YAO: As fast as you can, guys. I’m going to hail Nadia on the comms. We’ll find a way to get you out. Veronica, I’m looking at the zombies, and I think some of them are running. VERONICA MCSHELL: After me, Five. Now. Category:Mission Category:Season Three